Matthew Perry and Jennifer Aniston, in the video I bet they'll regret their whole lives
And the Windows 95 guide (which shipped on VHS cassette) is no exception.
Narrated by Jennifer Aniston and Matthew Perry, this 10-minute video begins with "The world's FIRST cyber sitcom," whatever that means. (The narrator is careful to hit the word "FIRST" with extra emphasis. Were they planning to make more of these?)
It opens with a woman who has the harsh "older New Yawk smoker" accent of a character actor who gets cast as the unsuccessful agent. Perry and Aniston appear on screen, mugging in the way that only a pair of vintage 90s Friends actors can. The woman behind the desk is Bernice Keppelman, Bill Gates' assistant, and she will show Perry and Aniston around Windows 95 in Gates' absence.
Bill Gates, you see, is out. That's right: Matthew Perry and Jennifer Aniston appeared in this video, but Bill Gates was, what? Too good to show up? Too important? Too awkward to star in his own cyber-sitcom?
Bernice shows Perry and Aniston around a set which is meant to personify Windows 95, in the incredibly awkward "retooling of the physical world to help bridge people's understanding" that was so rife in the 90s. (Remember those animated GIFS for email that involved literal letters with stamps and mailboxes?) But also, it's just a set, because Bernice invites them to sit down at a computer and "spend some time lookin' at Windows 95."
Bernice walks Aniston (who is less competent at computers than Perry, apparently, and don't get me started on the "girls don't do computers" trope) through the process of using the Start button, from the Programs menu, through Documents and then Settings. (Settings, if you'll remember, had the incredibly exciting ability to set a desktop wallpaper!) She continues to demonstrate all the earthshaking new features of Windows 95, including the ability to minimize files to the taskbar, and the ability to use a filename with up to 256 characters.
The "jokes" in the cyber sitcom are punctuated with a little bass guitar riff which, one can't help noticing, is a Seinfeld thing. Aniston and Perry keep giving the camera Significant Looks to emphasize their jokes further.
Here is an example of a joke in the world's FIRST cyber sitcom:
"Task bar? Is that anything like a Snickers bar?" [Seinfeld bass riff]
I feel bad making fun of this video, because I'm pretty sure Perry and Aniston would both die of shame if they knew that people were still watching it. Welcome to the internet, where all your youthful indiscretions live forever!